random shit

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM MASSACHUSETTS IF.....
>
>You think crosswalks are for wimps...
>
>You think if someone is nice to you they either want something or
>they are from out of town and lost
>
>You know how to cross four lanes of traffic in five seconds
>
>You think it's not actually tailgating unless you're touching the
>bumper of the car in front of you
>
>You know that a yellow light means that at least five more people
>can get through and a red one means two more can
>
>The public transportation system is known as the "T" and you'd rather
>drive in bumper to bumper traffic for 4 hours to get to Boston than be
>caught dead on the "orange line"...
>
>You could own a small town in Iowa for the cost of your house
>
>Subway is a fast food place
>
>There are 24 Dunkin Donuts shops within 15 minutes of your house and
that
>is how you give directions
>
>When people talk about "The Curse Of The Bambino" you know what
>they're talking about and used to believe it, too
>
>You believe using your turn signals gives away your plan to the enemy
>
>If you stay on the same road long enough it eventually has three
different names
>
>Someone has honked at you because you didn't peel out the second
>the light turned green
>
>You have honked at someone because they didn't peel out the second
>the light turned green
>
>All the potholes just add to the excitement of driving
>
>Stop signs mean slow down a little, but only of you want to
>
>Six inches of snow is considered a dusting
>
>Three days of 90 degree heat is definitely a "heat wave"
>53 degrees is "on the warm side" -
>
>You've walked to Brighams for an ice cream cone "to go", in the snow!
>
>You cringe everytime you hear some actor/actress imitate the
>"Boston Accent" on TV or in a movie, if you don't have it then you're
>never going to get it even if you were born here
>
>At the ice cream shop you call chocolate sprinkles "jimmies"
>
>A Water fountain is called a Bubbler. Say it, "Bubbla"
>
>You can go from one side of town to the other in less than fifteen
>minutes and see at least fifteen losers you went to high school with
>doing the same thing they were doing when you saw them last
>
>The person in front of you is going 70 MPH and you're cursing them
>for going too slow
>
>You know how to pronounce towns like Worcester, Haverhill, Peabody,
>Scituate, Chatham, and Leominster
>
>You know what they sell at a "packie"
>
>You have never been to Cheers
>
>You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater
>
>You keep an ice scraper in your car all year round
>
>Paranoia sets in when you can't see a Dunkin Donuts, ATM or CVS
>
>You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block
>oncoming traffic so you can make a left
>
>You've bragged about saving money at The Christmas Tree Shop (don't cha
>just love a bargin?)
>
>You know what a "regular coffee" is!
>
>You can navigate a rotary without a problem
>
>You feel the rest of the world needs to drive more like you
>
>When someone calls you a "Masshole" you take it as a compliment
>
>You use the words "wicked" "pissa" and "good" in the same sentence, and
>often in the same compound-adjective
>
>You know what a frappe is
>
>Saint Patrick's Day is your second favorite holiday...even when
>you're not IRISH!
>
>You drink tonic and would never consider using it on your hair
>
>You never say "Cape Cod"...... you say "The Cape"
>
>You went to Old Sturbridge Village and Plymouth Plantation at
>least once, in elementary school, but never to Bunker Hill
>
>You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day
>
>You have a special place in your heart for the Worcester Firefighters
>
>You know the Mass Pike and 495 create some sort of strange weather
>dividing line
>
>You almost feel disappointed when someone doesn't flip you off when
>you cut them off or steal their parking space
>
>You actually get all these jokes and pass them on!






Subject: GUY'S SIDE OF THE STORY







This is cute.


At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.
Finally, the guys' side of the story.


We always hear"the rules"from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note...these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports.
It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.


1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the
Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don 't ask us.


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.


1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


1. Whenever possible,please say whatever you have to say during commercials.


1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.


1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example,
is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying,but it is just not worth the hassle.


1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.


1. You have enough clothes.


1. You have too many shoes.


1. I am in shape.
Round is a shape.


1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know,
I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.